Monday, August 18, 2014

CT trip, Day 2: Evaluation #1 done

Braska slept well last night in our temporary hotel home.  I slept ok.  I am a very light sleeper, and there were some noises on and off in the hotel that kept me from getting long intervals of sleep.  And Miss Grind-when-I-wake-for-awhile-at-night….  that’s always fun. There’s a reason why my kids don’t sleep in my room usually!  Thankfully, it wasn’t as long as it sometimes can be. She was only awake for one little bout for maybe 15 minutes.  My super duty sound machine along with the hotel a/c weren’t quite enough to get me a full night’s sleep.  It was enough, though, so I’m thankful.

We got up and I worked while B watched some of her favorite PBS shows.  We got things together and found our way to Lori’s office on time. Though it was a winding way to get there via GPS. Things are so different here. Norwalk isn’t a big city.  It feels kind of small-town-ish, yet there’s an age to it, a history, which I’m sure is just part of being in this part of the country.  But it feels strange to me.  Can’t put my finger on it.  And I’ve yet to see a subdivision, the lack of which I hear is part of the most endearing part of this area from family members who hail from nearby.  It’s pretty, lots of trees, unique houses, and small little business. Even the chain businesses look more local.  That part’s kind of cool.  Things are just different, not in a bad way.

Lori took us back and started talking about what she saw right away.  We’ve sent her videos and pictures, therapy background and medical history.  And she has seen her once before, you might remember, in St. Louis for a workshop demo. Not the same kind of formal eval, but she had interaction with her and was really helpful back then. 

I got video of most all of the interaction today, so we’ll be sharing that. I think our therapists will find it very interesting. I wish I could relay it all here too, but it’s so much to process.  Here’s some bullets of the highlights…

•Braska’s core strength is a problem. With feeding, you ask??  Yep, it’s all related.  It’s harder to eat when you’re slouched over, and it’s much harder work for a kid with sensory issues to focus on the task when the body is giving too much or needing more input.  And because feeding is not pleasant for her, she chooses to avoid and let the sensory demands take over, when left to her own decisions.  We believe that many of her sensory needs can be met with stronger core and more stability so she doesn’t need to compensate to feel secure.

•Because of the above, we got a new appointment added to our agenda tomorrow, aquatic physical therapy, combining the deep pressure aspects of the water while working on focused core exercises. Thankfully an expert was available on short notice. Lori texted, response was affirmative, appointment made.

•While we were there, she put B in a SPIO long-sleeve top. It’s kind of like heavy duty spandex to help with posture and pressure for sensory input. It was AMAZING to see the difference.  I was shocked.  She let us borrow it this afternoon, and I put it on her a couple times.  It just helps her be more organized and supports her. She didn’t grind her teeth with it on either!!!!  We’ll be looking to get that for sure… every girl needs a $130 shirt, right?  oh well!

•Lori also believes that much of the in-the-mouth struggle with food is due to posterior ankyloglossia, or a kind of tongue tie issue to most of the general population.  Braska is able to move the tip of her tongue around, but she had the center of her tongue kind of create a bowl when she does so because it’s not free to move as well. This creates a big problem with feeding as she cannot move the food safely through her mouth.  This has not been something we’ve had mentioned before, but after reviewing all the info about it, it seems clear as day.  I’m trying hard not to spend time in the “we could have done so much better so much earlier” world and focus on where we go from here.  It’s not easy today to do that quite yet…  I wish we’d helped her so much earlier.

•Because of the above, Lori texted again, to Dr. K, and ENT and a professor at Yale-New Haven, well versed in these things and with a working knowledge of the whole picture that B’s dealing with, sensory and physical. He “happens” to be doing procedure Wednesday on another little guy with DS that is part of his research for similar issues.  He is in surgery all day tomorrow, but he has offered me his cell phone number to call in the morning and find out what time we should be there to see him between his cases tomorrow afternoon.  Wow. Speechless.  Add another appointment to tomorrow’s schedule, and that’s ok.  (This one just MAY be covered by insurance, so yay!)

•The good news that after every time Lori mentioned a problem, and I asked each time, “But can we fix that? Can it be improved?” she said, “Of course!” 

•She mentioned often how smart Braska was, how she had fooled lots of people into thinking she could do things because she fakes her way through, gets the end result but does it in a “wrong” way. The problem lies in that she can’t build on that foundation to progress because the underlying strength/skill isn’t there.  Lori often says “Cognitive overrides motor” meaning that sometimes knowing how to work around something overrides learning it in the proper manner, which leads to long-term problems.  Braska has spent her whole life working really hard at all things related to feeding… and she’s made us believe, in some ways, that she’s more skilled than she is.

•She noted also that Braska’s speech, though very good, still does have articulation indicators of physical/oral motor issues.  I thought that was interesting.  B hasn’t had specific articulation work in speech therapy for years, as far as goals go.

•Lori was very complimentary of B. She was impressed at how well she listened and though she was very quiet (typical in new settings) she was interactive and cooperative.

•I asked her about the self-feeding element.  Braska does not feed herself unless prompted to do so, for just about every bite.  She’ll occasionally take a few more on her own if it’s her favorite yogurt, but meals are always about 45 mins to 1 hr if we wait for her to do it… and that’s with almost constant prompting. Mentally exhausting and discouraging…3 times a day. That’s just being honest, folks.  Lori said that right now, Braska works so hard to manage the smooth/blended foods she has in her mouth that it’s a very unpleasant experience. The trunk strength and motor planning come into play in working to get that spoon, full of stuff that likes to fall off, up and into her mouth. It’s a slow process. So she doesn’t want to do it.  It’s a thing she really dislikes and is very hard for her, and she’s asked to do it 3 times a day.  Makes sense.  But she also acknowledged the element of familial background, with her dad not liking to eat in general either, he usually considers it a hassle. His having a very narrow list of acceptable foods and sensory issues of his own may be part of her similar issues in that she is his kid, and she has even more chromosomal (read: family material) than the average bear (child).  Interesting stuff.

•Because of the above, she doesn’t think we should push self-feeding, and definitely not progress to any chewing until we get some of these underlying issues of sensory, strength, and the frenulum issue dealt with.  That’s going to be interesting at school… as of now, they require her to feed herself all the time.  We’ll have to think about that………….  Still not sure what the next few weeks will look like.

•After we finished at Lori’s, we came back to the hotel and had lunch. We rested a little (I worked, and she played) and then we went to Walmart for some things.  I never would have believed that Walmart could have made me feel so relieved.  It just felt familiar, and that was nice.  I think I’ve lost some of my adventurous side as I’ve aged!

•We did go to the seaside, Braska’s one request.  We didn’t stay long, maybe 5 mins, because we weren’t dressed for it (and I don’t like sand. at all.) and she was ready to go back and relax. Couldn’t blame her.
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She has been SUCH a big girl, so cooperative. She’s been goofy and happy and so flexible with what’s happening.  I’m amazed at her all over again.  We skyped with Daddy and Kinlee tonight, and she just kept on being silly and playing with her sis. As soon as it was over, she wanted to call again. 

We’ve got a precious gem, one that needs a bit more polish than some, and I’m trying my best to get her to only the best jewelers to help us with that work. 

Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, and support…..  tomorrow is another day!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

CT Trip, day 1: Long day of travel

If you’re on FB, you saw little snippets through the day. Braska did SO well. She just seemed mostly unfazed by the chaos, LONG waits due to the delayed flight, and the supremely stressful (for Mommy) drive out of NYC.  She didn’t eat anything from 10 til almost 7pm, and she didn’t complain. She drank her milk and went on being sweet.  She LOVED flying, no doubt.

The plan had been to give a bit more detail about the day, but I’m tired, so it’ll wait.

I’m dealing with a little culture shock in our short time here on the east coast.  I’m hoping some sleep and acceptance of a different perspective of those who are used to life away from the middle of the country will bring a more peaceful tomorrow.

Tonight I’m most thankful that we had a good flight and she did well with all the transitions. After a little netflix and yogurt by request, she chose her bed to be in the closet. So I asked the hotel for a couple comforters, and made it up for her. She jumped in her excited way and said, “I love this place!” and went to sleep in just a few minutes.

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Monday, August 11, 2014

Countdown: 6 days

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We leave on Sunday. M and Kinlee will drop us off at the airport and Braska and I will try to navigate ourselves and baggage through to NYC and then out of there to CT via car.  Right now, I’m finding myself scared. Nervous. Having quite a bit of anxiety about it all.  So I’m refocusing on the blessing side….and our biggest blessings have been people!

A BIG “thank you!” is due to so many of you. And I hope I’ve told you repeatedly…. 

•We have received our plane tickets and rental car via a dear friend from years back who has never even met Braska but felt led to reach out in this way.  THANK YOU!

•I have been working more hours and my friends have been clocking LOTS of child care time to let me earn a little more to help with expenses.  THANK YOU!

•My photography business has been busier (Larae Photography, LLC) and that also helps our “trip fund” immensely!  To all who have booked so far… THANK YOU!  (There are fall slots available, so if you’re considering family photos, birthday photos, or Christmas cards, I’d love to get you on the schedule for September or October!)

•Lovely friends who I only know via blogs/Facebook/online forums have shared with us both in sweet encouragement and in their financial generosity. Dear friends that we don’t see NEARLY as often as we’d like have also shared so generously. It’s been amazing!  THANK YOU!

•We’ve had people mention that they were gathering gift cards for our food expenses for the trip. There have been offers of helping with meals while we’re gone and M and Kinlee are here. There have been SO many praying (and I need that so much right now!)  For ALL of that… THANK YOU!

I’m surprised at how I’ve begun to get emotional about the trip. I’m surprised that I’m so anxious.  And yet, I’m not.  I have a great fear of failure… tendencies of perfectionism that leave me frozen with inability to act when I know I can’t do it just the way I want to do it.  So I either do things really well or I don’t do them at all… and it’s a problem in much of my life. And with Braska, I can’t MAKE her do anything. I can’t reason with her. I can’t teach her the way I feel like I should be able to.  So I’m scared that we’re going to go through all this and I won’t be able to carry it out.  That it won’t bring success in the coming months. And that’s terrifying to me.

So thank you for all your encouragement. With all the horrible things happening in the world and so many dealing with more treacherous situations, it seems petty to be worried about something like this. And yet, it’s our life. Every day. Every meal.  My daughter can’t chew. She can’t deal with a meal on her own. And I want her to have that independence if it’s at all possible.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Prep for CT trip: Hope and Fear

I just keep telling myself I’ll sit down and kind of document how we got here, details of the hopes I have, trip plans, and all of that. But quite honestly, that is not likely to happen in any smooth narrative manner soon. So the oft-used bullet list will have to do.  (If you want to see back story on feeding, I’ve added the posts from Braska’s previous blog related to feeding, so scroll down to the label cloud and click on “feeding” if you’re curious.

•The dates for the trip: We (Braska and I) fly out on Sunday Aug 17 and return to StL on Thursday afternoon Aug 21.  We will fly into LaGuardia and drive to Norwalk, CT. That should be fun. NYC.

•Braska will have an evaluation with Lori Overland on 8/18, then treatments the next two days. The goal is to develop a plan specifically for Braska’s skills and needs and then be ready to bring it back to our therapists here. We’ll be getting video of all the treatment time to bring back with us. (Note to self…need to borrow a small digital video camera.)

•This is not an intensive treatment situation. Some facilities do a day program, many days in a row with treatment most of the day. This is not that. This is creating a plan for success that we and B’s therapists can continue.  We will also do any needed follow-up with a colleague of Lori’s in Indianapolis. I plan to do some occasional checking in there to make sure we stay right on track and do not mess up the process at all.

•Crunching the numbers:  This is not something that is covered by insurance, so it’s going to be paid for with actual dollars.  Total cost of all elements would be a month’s income for us.  It is not as expensive as the day program/intensives that are out there, but as mentioned, apples to oranges, those two.  Straight up--The therapy itself is $1150 for the 3 days.  We are SO SO blessed to have had a wonderful friend purchase our tickets AND rental car with airline miles and points.  This is still just amazing to me, that the huge chunk that is that expense is now covered! We are very humbled and beyond appreciative for this generosity!

•What’s left? Clearly, the cost of the therapy is being dealt with. We are looking to rearrange and make it happen. It will happen. But as we choose to live without debt, and the therapy clinic doesn’t take credit cards, this is a cash transaction. We are still arranging for the hotel stay which we expect to be about $580-600, possibly a little more, and trying to budget for the food we’ll need while we’re there, as well.  If we can make it work to get a hotel with a kitchenette at least, we will plan to just shop when we’re there and make food at the hotel to save, of course.

•How to help….  Please pray. Pray that we have safety and that the whole trip goes very smoothly. That’s primary.  Pray for our preparations and my sanity as I try to wrap my head around the whole thing. (See the next bullet for more on that.) For those who have asked specifically how you can help, offsetting hotel costs (anyone got points on a credit card or hotel rewards card??), or food costs is the main thing now. Obviously, the therapy costs a lot, but it’s a priority for us to make this happen for our girl. If you feel like you want to help, it will be most appreciated!  But this is NOT an attempt to garner that kind of support unless you have had that leading outside of our mentioning it.  Braska does have a special needs trust started that can accept any donations that are sent, being used only for her specific care. Details are available if you message or email me… braskasmom at gmaildot com.

•Hope & Fear: I’m struggling to consider all the parts of this process.  I’m overwhelmed by the to-do list as well as so amazed at the wonderful response we had at simply sharing with people that the trip was happening.  I’m excited to go, and I’m scared to go.  I’m afraid I’ll be faced with all that I should have been doing for the past few years. I’m worried about the pressure of bringing back this plan—having spent all this money to go—and not being able to carry it out for her. Dropping the ball. I have hope for the first time in a LONG time that Braska might actually some day learn to chew. That she might eat a meal of more than blended soup and yogurt, that she might feed herself, and that she might chew a french fry, like kids should on special playdate trips to McD’s.  I’m almost afraid to hope though. Wow, I’m apparently more afraid than I even thought, judging from my welling eyes as I type.  I want her to have this chance. And I want her to succeed!   Yet I admit to doubts that it’s even possible.  Yet ALL things are possible when God is involved, and I have no doubt that the crazy way this has all played out is no accident, no coincidence. He’s all about my girl, as he created her perfectly. So I’m going to do my best to focus on the hope, not on the fear.

Thanks for caring enough to read that whole long random mess! Here’s to success!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Next chapter in the feeding therapy journey

I will delve into this much more, but for now, the bottom line is this.

Braska and I will be heading to Norwalk, CT in just under 5 weeks to have an evaluation and treatment visits with the best of the best for this kind of issue. I’ll talk more later about how we got here and why we’re going there.

For now, here’s the video that I made by the request of the therapist to get an idea of where she is now. It’s a small peek into how mealtimes go… on a good day.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Independence Day 2014

We had a very lovely day yesterday at the home of a dear GENEROUS friend.  We’ve celebrated many holidays and special events at her home, and we often joke that she lives in our vacation home. But we do not take for granted how blessed we are to have friends like Miss C!

For about 6 years, we’ve been taking pictures of the girls by the waterfall next to the pool.  Here are this year’s results.

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This was 7-04-2011 at the same place. They would have been 2 and 4.
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After pictures, it was time to swim!  Hello Kitty was the theme of the day apparently.
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Always the popular one, Cousin McKayla obliged both girls with some cuddle time.
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Braska LOVED some sparkler time… Kinlee, not so much.
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We finished up the day with Daddy and B enjoying the evening at home with early bed, and Kinlee and Mommy went to watch the StC fireworks from a pleasant, low-traffic distance. 

Thankfully, the girls slept well in spite of the neighborhood of crazy loud home displays.  The parents didn’t fare so well….  Overall, a really nice day!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Braska's Favorite Sister

Last night, I hung out for a while in bed with Braska as we were waiting for Daddy and Kinlee to be done with the bedtime routine.  We shared the pillow and were being silly and giggled alot.  I started asking her questions as we chatted.

"What's your favorite color?"
"Blue"
"What's your favorite..... shape?"
She laughed, "Shape??" Pause. "Square!"
"Ok, what's your favorite animal?"
"Giraffe!!"
"Nice, he's so tall, isn't he!"
"Yes, he's REALLY tall!"
"What's your favorite...hmm... sister?"
"Sister, um.... Della!"
"You like Della better than your sister?"
Laughing again, "YES!"

So there you go. A baby cousin makes a better sister than a little sister.
It could change tomorrow. Stay tuned.