Monday, August 11, 2014

Countdown: 6 days


We leave on Sunday. M and Kinlee will drop us off at the airport and Braska and I will try to navigate ourselves and baggage through to NYC and then out of there to CT via car.  Right now, I’m finding myself scared. Nervous. Having quite a bit of anxiety about it all.  So I’m refocusing on the blessing side….and our biggest blessings have been people!

A BIG “thank you!” is due to so many of you. And I hope I’ve told you repeatedly…. 

•We have received our plane tickets and rental car via a dear friend from years back who has never even met Braska but felt led to reach out in this way.  THANK YOU!

•I have been working more hours and my friends have been clocking LOTS of child care time to let me earn a little more to help with expenses.  THANK YOU!

•My photography business has been busier (Larae Photography, LLC) and that also helps our “trip fund” immensely!  To all who have booked so far… THANK YOU!  (There are fall slots available, so if you’re considering family photos, birthday photos, or Christmas cards, I’d love to get you on the schedule for September or October!)

•Lovely friends who I only know via blogs/Facebook/online forums have shared with us both in sweet encouragement and in their financial generosity. Dear friends that we don’t see NEARLY as often as we’d like have also shared so generously. It’s been amazing!  THANK YOU!

•We’ve had people mention that they were gathering gift cards for our food expenses for the trip. There have been offers of helping with meals while we’re gone and M and Kinlee are here. There have been SO many praying (and I need that so much right now!)  For ALL of that… THANK YOU!

I’m surprised at how I’ve begun to get emotional about the trip. I’m surprised that I’m so anxious.  And yet, I’m not.  I have a great fear of failure… tendencies of perfectionism that leave me frozen with inability to act when I know I can’t do it just the way I want to do it.  So I either do things really well or I don’t do them at all… and it’s a problem in much of my life. And with Braska, I can’t MAKE her do anything. I can’t reason with her. I can’t teach her the way I feel like I should be able to.  So I’m scared that we’re going to go through all this and I won’t be able to carry it out.  That it won’t bring success in the coming months. And that’s terrifying to me.

So thank you for all your encouragement. With all the horrible things happening in the world and so many dealing with more treacherous situations, it seems petty to be worried about something like this. And yet, it’s our life. Every day. Every meal.  My daughter can’t chew. She can’t deal with a meal on her own. And I want her to have that independence if it’s at all possible.

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